tomanoc: You know when you’re playing UNO and someone puts this card down And it’s like they just punched you straight in the face and you start to wonder if you could ever really trust them at all, if everything was just a game to them and the whole time they’ve just been waiting for their opportunity, for the perfect moment to destroy you. draw 4? more like fuck you we’re not friends...
allons-yasshole: deodrant: i was never good at geography not with that latitude
jesuschristvevo: Beyoncé has two legs… i have two legs…
When you go to someone else’s house and they’re like “Sorry for the mess”
*not hot enough*
*turns knob 1/16th of an inch*
Satan himself pours out of your shower head and licks your back seductively.
andahappynew-year: itsmorifarty: biologytextbook: when someone taller than you hugs you and you kind of put your head on their chest and it feels really protective and warm like godamn if thats not the greatest shit in the world alternatively, being the taller person and resting your chin on their head is so comforting because you feel like their protector and it’s like they need you and...
rneerkat: rneerkat: what do u call a dishonest buffalo a bluffalo
rneerkat: do noodles end their prayers with “ramen”
artistvspoet: thigh gap thigh ga thigh g thigh thig thi th thr thre three three slices of pizza
“i need to stop,” i whispered as i clicked next episode.
jesuschristvevo: *comes to your funeral 15 minutes late with starbucks*
okaysizedbangtheory: i hate when people take other people’s glasses and are like ‘you have horrible vision’ like do you take wheelchairs from people and go ‘wow you have shitty legs’
rabioheab: reblog if you know the ENTIRE alphabet
nayx: um why are your parents kissing?? incest much??
fasterfood: “Go fetch!” i say to my dog as I throw a stick. he stares at me blankly for a few seconds. i encourage him to fetch again. he looks me dead in the eye and says “stop trying to make fetch happen” then walks away
derrierequeen: wow im hungry time for a small midnight snack like a few crackers or a dozen donuts and a steak
vvorldwideweb: black mail??dont you mean african american mail??? this is the 21st century
caliboorn: She wears short skirts, I wear T-Shirts, but not for long because we are currently taking off our clothes surprise we’re lesbians.
tunetechfrosthead: nothisisnotdog: *ANGRILY OPPA GANGNAM STYLES TOWARDS YOU* *VIOLENTLY TWERKS AWAY*